Shameless…

We all have moments of embarrassment. Something I’ve had to overcome has been the shame of things from my past. Throughout my blog, you all have read about me talking about God’s love. One thing that I’m so thankful for is the fact that God’s love frees us from any guilt, shame, and hurt from our past. He says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new…”.. What a great feeling it is to know that there’s a choice, or even an option that the things you’ve done can’t hold you back.

For me this has been one of the most freeing things since I’ve come to be closer with God. I can entrust my every thought, goal, and desire to him and I don’t have to be afraid of if I “qualify” or not. His love alone qualifies me. He tells us to delight ourselves in Him and He will give us the desires of our hearts. A long time desire of mine has been to help others, maybe even mentor girls that feel insecure, have gone through things that they feel ashamed of, rape, molestation, promiscuity, etc. But my own guilt from my past left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough or the things that I’ve been through wouldn’t reach another person. Continue reading

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Love, the second time around…

I’m at the stage in life where it seems every time I turn around  one of my friends or acquaintances is either getting married, having babies, or getting engaged. The age where people still look at you like, “What are you waiting for?”. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be the infamous “Cat Lady”, but I’m really in no rush. At one point in time that was my heart’s greatest desire, to be married to my “Prince Charming”, have 2.5 kids (yes, 2.5 only because the thought of 3 freaks me out but is still possible…GAH!!!). To be honest, some of my choices in life and the way I handled relationships in general left me a little jaded and callused. Not just with romantic relationships but friendships and familial relationships as well.

Giving so freely of your heart and coming from a genuinely good place, only to have it trampled on by betrayal and deceit can leave the most loving person angry and cold. It wasn’t until I fully gave everything over to God that I began to get to know His love for myself, and apply it to how I in turn handle relationships, friendships, and family. I gave Him all of my insecurities, trust issues, and heart aches.  The one common thing that everyone wants, no matter their financial standing, race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs…is Love. Whether it be the love of the parent that they feel they’ve been lacking or the love of a significant other, everyone wants to be loved. I also believe we want to give love.

So on my journey of growing closer to God I’ve not only been praying and asking Him to guide me in loving others and BEING loving…but to also prepare my heart to be willing to RECIEVE it as well. Asking Him to help me love as he loves, so that I may be a true reflection of Him to people through me. So I’ll share just a few things that I’ve learned on this quest for a heart makeover about love and relationships….(written just as they are in my personal “Thought Book”)…  Continue reading

Forgiven, not forgotten…


Have you ever found yourself in a relationship either with a significant other, friend, parent, or sibling where you’ve given more in hopes of filling a void? It’s something that I was familiar with…all too well. Growing up feeling like I just wasn’t enough, never good enough, never pretty enough, never athletic enough. A failing relationship that left me embarrassed, feeling alone and betrayed. I found myself in a depressed state, living a life seeking out acceptance, never being truly fulfilled.

Growing up in the church, I knew all the scriptures to say to appear that I had it “all together”. But deep down inside I was slowly dying. Partying on Saturday, in church on Sunday. October of 2013 I had enough and knew I needed more. I woke up hung over, but pulled myself out of the bed to get dressed for church. This time I went with expecting something more, telling God that I just wanted to hear from him so I needed a sign of some sort that he still cares for me as I was always told. If not, that night I had plans to take my own life. Continue reading